House Boy Applications Now Being Accepted

I should never have become a home owner. I’m just not responsible enough to be one. My house is a mess. Picking it up with be so easy, why won’t I? Most of my closet doors don’t work; I have a cabinet in the kitchen that I tape shut to the dishwasher so my cat won’t get into it; the flusher in the toilet hasn’t worked since I moved in (you have to lift the handle back up after flushing); the backdoor doesn’t open without great force and the bottom plate was never installed; the front door dead bolt lock won’t turn if the door is closed all the way – you have to turn it when the door is partially closed; the attic access has been mucked up since I moved in; there’s still stuff in the medicine cabinet from the home’s previous owner. That list is just partial – and we won’t even talk about the lawn issues. I need a house boy!

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